Ask Ashley

Dear Concerned:

 

I want you to flip roles for a second. Imagine you were going to bring home a new partner for the holidays and your mom said 'I don’t approve of you dating'. How would that make you feel? I can bet you may be like, “I’m an adult now, I can make my own choices.”

 

Well, guess what? Your mom is an adult as well and can make her own choices. She has waited five years after her partner died to start dating. Those were five very hard years and now she feels  she is ready to connect with someone. Your mom is human and has needs (Gasp! Even sexual needs).

 

 

Most of the time when adult children are concerned about their parents dating again, it is for one of three reasons. 1. The yuck factor. Ewww. Why would my parent date again? They don’t do THAT! 2. This person is going to take all my parent’s money and I am not going to have any inheritance. 3. I am not over my parent’s death, how can they do this to me?

 

You need to look at the reason you really don’t approve of your mom dating. Is it one of the reasons that were listed above? If that is the case, that’s something that you need to work out for yourself. Now, if you meet this new guy and he is truly giving you the creeps and there is really something amiss, that is when you should be alarmed. No matter what sit down and have a talk with your mom and be honest about your concerns in a positive way. Starting a new relationship is hard enough without also worrying about how her child is taking it. Having a heart to heart with your mom may do both of you good. In the end, if your mom is truly happy, try and sort through your own emotions and be happy for her. 

 

If you would like to ask Ashley a question, email her at ashley@ourshine.org

Dear Ashley,

 

My mom recently started dating and is now involved with this guy. My dad has been gone for five years. She wants all of us to get together for the holidays and I really don’t approve of my mom dating. How should I voice my concerns?

 

                                                                                 Sincerely,

                                                                 Concerned in Conneticut

 

 

All Rights for the images reserved to Hernan Irastorza from flickr